Nightmares
September 16th, 2010I have spent the last three years trying to forget the events of the castle. I had even gone so far as to distance myself from Shae and her family. Even though Altana had saved her, I had failed to keep her alive. She is only alive because of Altana’s actions that day. I had not returned to the realm because that would mean facing her father and I would be honor bound to tell him the truth. I wouldn’t be able to blame him for whatever he decided was to be done with me. Exile would be the least of my worries, so I guess my own self imposed exile is my penance.
I stumbled across these strange aparatices when I left Jeuno. I entered one and it seemed to take me back; back to a time when I was carefree and didn’t carry the burden of my oath. I explored the lands. Jeuno was not allowing people to enter so I made my way to San d’Oria. The creatures are strange here, and I decide to help out the locals and see what I can do to keep the creatures at bay from the city.
I left my journal with the rest of my things when I left in the middle of the night because I had not intended for the walk to take me as far as it did for as long as it has, so I have not someplace to write my thoughts. I didn’t think I would really need it, but the dreams have gotten worse so I went to the Leathersmith and asked him to bind some pages together for me. I found a quiet place down a darkened alley, I guess I will just have to start a new one.
My name is Darling d’Arienne de ‘Rieste, I am from a time not yet dreamed of. In my time, my best friend was my niece, she was my empress, she was my charge. I was sworn to protect her with my life. My oath was everything to me. When we were children, she won the hearts of everyone with her kind gentle way. My heart belonged to one who never even saw me. I took the oath to protect the Empress when I was old enough because I felt that the life I really wanted, the one I dreamed of, was far beyond my grasp.
I thought I had put him from my heart, but…
I never questioned why I took the oath until the last time I laid eyes on him. It wasn’t the time that I spent with him trying to catch the Empress and his brother. It wasn’t him finding the ribbon in my old journal. It was only when I watched him die that I began to question why I had sworn to forsake everyone and everything to protect the Empress. I started asking myself what happened that made me give up on a normal life?
For the first few days after we all returned, we were in the infirmary together, I didn’t have a choice about seeing him. After we were discharged from the infirmary I went to one of the temporary houses in Jeuno. I didn’t go out, I didn’t check on anyone, I didn’t even speak to the delivery boy who brought the rations from the shop that I had ordered. I didn’t really want to see anyone. My emotions were raw, I was sore – but from what I understand being killed, brought back and then fighting for your life will do that to you everytime. I knew that even though I had failed to fulfill my oath, I didn’t need to worry about the Empress because she had him and his brothers and her sister to look after her. I was up one night because I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t close my eyes for reliving the events of the Throne Room. I got dressed and went for a walk. My walk ended me up in San d’Oria in a time before I lived here.
I know, if you are reading this you are probably thinking “Yeah, well you can’t live there before you arrive there.” I don’t think you quite get it. When Shae was 16 she moved to San d’Oria, I followed as it was then that I had taken my oath. She didn’t know I was here, I didn’t want her to. I watched over her, though, as it was my duty. She has not arrived here, yet, so I haven’t – the younger me hasn’t.
I sometimes wonder if he even thinks about me. I guess I will never know.
I had hoped the distance and time would end the dreams, but it hasn’t. I still see the Lance impale Milady and then Stigmus fall at the hands of that vile creature. I don’t really know which one is more disturbing to me. The one that caused me to break my oath or the one that ripped my heart from my breast. Either way, it doesn’t matter, it is unlikely that they will find me here.
I have petitioned for a permit to work in a small shop as a healer. I would live in the small flat above it, but it would be more permanent than the housing I am in now. It would give me a chance to heal wounds that have been opened that never should have been.
Well the sun is rising now, so it looks like another night that I have avoided the Nightmares that have plagued the darkness for me for the last three years. I know I should get sleep, but that sleep will only come when I am so tired that the dreams do not and not before then.
I put away the journal and head to the Council Office to find out if my application was approved.